How to describe the journey to Alice Springs? Well, it was very long. Still no kangaroos. Perhaps they’re a myth.

We’re in Northern Territory. (Motto: No Pooftahs!) Intllectuals thin on the ground here I suspect. The local press portrays a land of rustic idiots and wife beaters, a bit like Littlehampton, really. “Stabbed in the back while having sex, that’s why I’m a bad driver” explains one headline. Another front page shows several pictures of different sets of over-excited citizens punching each other in Darwin.

NT, for one reason or another never achieved Statehood, so they can’t vote in federal elections for parliamentarians to send to Canberra. But steps have been taken to stop them feeling left out: they do vote, and their elected representatives do go to Canberra. They just can’t vote or say anything.

Alice Springs, where we are now, was originally a staging post on the telegraph line that was being built, and named after Alice Todd, the wife of the construction manager. As there is also a Todd Mall, Todd Street and a Todd river, we may assume that Mr Todd was The Man in these parts.

The Todd river does not have any water in it, so for the Henley-on-Todd regatta, held annually in October, the boats have to have holes cut in the bottom so the contestants can run along the dry bed.

They get a lot of sun round here and the Crowne Plaza, where we’re staying, has the biggest roof-based solar generating capacity in the southern hemisphere, producing up to 80% of its energy needs.

That’s about all I can find to say about Alice Springs. Off to Melbourne in the morning.